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[notleavingquietly]

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Text; un: Ravens

[chrisisofaith]

You got a second?

Re: Text; un: Ravens

[notleavingquietly]

What's wrong?

[chrisisofaith]

You know you don't need to be right about everything

The Doctor wasn't able to fix the memory thing fully, but he set the right path and found the cracks. Jon was able to see the rest.

Guess I just wanted to give an update. If that's not weird.
Memory's not fixed, but I know what happened at least.

[notleavingquietly]

What?

Is that good? What is it that happened that you found?

cw: referenced memory modification, dubcon, unhealthy use of pain/painplay

[chrisisofaith]

Nothing just annoyed you were right something might be wrong.

I found out the person I thought messed with my memory did in fact do that. Made the memory seem kinder and changed aspects to hide something. The sex was consensual insofar as I was aphro'd out of my head and he offered to stop but I said not to. The kink involved was not consensual, but I pushed him to be rough cause of the drugs

and something to do with wanting pain in a way that's not healthy

like you've said in the past. I'm going to work on it.

So maybe not as bad as first thought but not good.

Re: cw: referenced memory modification, dubcon, unhealthy use of pain/painplay

[notleavingquietly]

I would have preferred to be wrong about this, but I'm glad you sought out help and found answers.

I'm more glad you circled back to talk to me.

What are you going to do from here?

[chrisisofaith]

Something inadvisable

[notleavingquietly]

Why?

[chrisisofaith]

Because I have to do something. I’m not the only one he’s hurt.

[notleavingquietly]

You realize you can't help anyone else if you can't remember anything or just wind up more hurt yourself.

[chrisisofaith]

I get that.
I’ve already been playing this game with him, if I pull out now, he’ll either be more suspicious or I’ll lose what in I have.

And when I do corner him, I won’t be by myself. Promise.

[notleavingquietly]

I give you far more credit for knowing it's stupid than for any promise -- and that's if you actually keep it.

[chrisisofaith]

I can’t make it work alone. I’ve already talked with someone.

Out of curiosity alone:
What would you have me do?

[notleavingquietly]

I'm too invested in you staying willing to talk to me to answer that.

[chrisisofaith]

What?
Crais there's very little I can think you'd say that'd have me upset even less to suddenly have me stop talking to you.

I'm too invested in having you at my back to turn it away

[notleavingquietly]

Good.

I don't have an alternative plan. I think anything you do will ultimately accomplish nothing meaningful except getting you and whoever helps you hurt.

I also acknowledge you're going to do it anyway and would probably say something about spiritual death/the person you are/living with yourself.

[chrisisofaith]

I don't intend to torture him
I absolutely could and the thought occurred, but I won't
I also don't intend to kill him, wouldn't do much good
I just want him scared

[notleavingquietly]

I didn't mean you were going to regret doing something because you were going to do something immoral. I meant I think you're going to regret it because it won't be effective and is just going to lock you into an endless cycle of this shit and whoever this person in has the ability to alter your memories.

[chrisisofaith]

Without being able to tell you who it is, trust me that i've been watching him long enough to know he can respect a power play made
he doesn't think much of me right now, this will likely gain that attention back

i've no interest in a viscous cycle that sees both sides burned, just a stalemate of understanding

[notleavingquietly]

Ok.

[chrisisofaith]

ok you don't believe me or ok i'm doing this either way so there's no use further discussing?

[notleavingquietly]

Both. I'm not angry - or disappointed, if that's a concern.

[chrisisofaith]

I appreciate the clarification, it was a small concern.
I also appreciate you listening even if you don't agree.

[notleavingquietly]

I didn't work this hard to get you to use words to communicate with me, to not listen when you do!

[chrisisofaith]

You're gods blessed with patience

[Sarcasm aside-]

You know how much your advice means to me, right? In general, not just this. It's helped me many times and I imagine it'll keep doing so.