notleavingquietly | IC Contact Post

Yeah.

[ It comes out a little softer this time. Ephemera exhales, then shifts to sit down on the floor. It'll be fun on his joints when he has to get back up again, but maybe this conversation is better done sitting.

And if he's sitting, Sable might come over and visit him, too. ]

Not like Drake hasn't seen awful shit. He knows violence. But not like the war. And I don't always -

I don't know if I have the words for it. Some things just are.

I think-

[ He shifts Sable onto Ephemera's lap from his own ]

That Drake wants to believe Felix is like you.

[ Sable makes one of her little grunting noses, ramming her head into his hand until he gives in and starts petting her. She's soft like velvet, and he can feel her heartbeat when he pets her.

He loves her with a quiet sort of intensity. He never thought he'd have a dog. ]

He is, in some ways.

[ It comes out soft. ]

I hurt a lot of people, once. Sometimes I didn't even mean to.

[ He makes a low noise in his throat and leans against Ephemera, just a little. Just enough for contact. ]

It's more complicated than that. When I said war breaks people along similar fault lines I meant it but you and Felix have more differences than things in common.

[ It’s a quiet sort of moment. Sable grunts and shoves her noise into the crook of his arm, then settles. All tuckered out from the excitement of a new person - and probably the walk he took her on earlier.

Ephemera smooths a hand down her back, breathing out. And he shifts so he’s pressed against Crais in turn. Just a little. ]

I know. There are pieces of it that seem simple to me. And pieces of it that can’t be. Drake wasn’t supposed to get hurt.

[ The ease of being close to Ephemera, and with which Ephemera presses back into him, might never stop feeling like a little bit of a miracle. He doesn't reach across for more direct touching, but only because it would be physically awkward. ]

There are times Felix reminds me so strongly of the Peacekeepers born to them that it is... unsettling.

If Drake gets hurt, it'll be on Felix or on Drake. Not you.

[ Sable grunts again, wiggling into a more comfortable position. Ephemera watches her, all quiet fondness. She’s warm and solid and nothing’s ever fucked her up. She doesn’t know to be wary of people.

What a strange, impossible thought. ]

It’d be easier if I didn’t care about both of them. But I guess that’s the complicated part.

[ The noise Crais makes is neither polite, nor elegant. More... derisive of several things than he'd like to be, but none of them are Ephemera or caring. ]

If you had gone out of your way to pick two people more dissimilar, you could not have done better.

You know Felix is going to try very, very hard to use Drake against you.

[ Ephemera snorts at that, glancing at Crais. ]

Yeah, I know. They’re nothing alike.

[ Wasn’t like he did it on purpose. But it still happened. ]

And I know that, too. I’m ready for it.

No you're not.

[ He doesn't gentle that, but it isn't cruel.]

[ Ephemera thumps his head back against the wall. He wishes he could rightly argue that. Prove Crais wrong.

It hurts that he can’t. That he doesn’t know how this thing will end. ]

I need to be, [ he amends softly. ]

[ He leans over and kisses Ephemera, smack on top of the head since that's easiest from their positions sitting beside each other. ]

No you don't. You just need to do the best you can with whatever happens. Drake needs to truly believe that what Felix is doing isn't 'trusting him' and some sort of display of vulnerability.

And I need to try to manage Felix's crazy ass in between.

[ The simplicity of the gesture floors him. Not for the first time, either. It’s gentle, almost casual for how quickly it happens.

Ephemera takes a steadying breath. He lets it go. Sable, warm and solid, noses his elbow.

He pets her. Of course he does. ]

Think one day it’ll settle? All this crazy?

[ Crais loves a lot of people. He doesn't love any of them quite the way he loves Ephemera. It's a quiet, intense, thing with a lot of pride and a lot of admiration mixed in. Similar to how he feels about Cyram, but somehow entirely different.]

I think that you're building a very stable life here, and at some point both you and the life that you're building will be too solid for anything - Duplicity or Felix - to rock very hard.

[ That sits between them for a long moment. Ephemera tips his head back and breathes, Sable warm in the crook of his arm. He hasn’t had that sort of stability since he was a teenager. Had no space for it, no time. There was always the war. And after, his mission. And now -

He exhales. ]

I promised you pancakes. You want them?

[ Crais looks at Ephemera like Ephemera might have lost his mind. ]

I always want food.

[ Ephemera huffs at that, tipping his head to the side. ]

Good. Take Sable, she's tuckered out.

[ The puppy grunts, lifting her head for a big, toothy yawn. ]

[ Never had this man a baby because he stares at the puppy like she might explode. ]

Take her... where?

Just hold her.

[ He hefts the puppy, showing Crais how to do it. Sable grunts, through she doesn't try to wiggle away. ]

Make sure she's supported, see? It's not that different from holding a cat.

[ You are going to be in a world of hurt if he decides to put that puppy down like a cat, Ephemera. He takes the puppy and holds her, though he also stands up once he has. Fortunately he's supporting her so she's willing to go to sleep. ]

What made you decide to learn to cook?

I like it when Drake does it for me.

[ He pushes himself upright with a faint wince, joints aching, and heads into the kitchen. ]

My brother, he was a great cook. And he said it calmed him down, so he always did it. Never had to learn when he was there.

[ Ephemera smiles a little. ]

I can make cookies, too.

[ Crais isn't sure what is up with him, but something about that scene with Washington has made him more physical than usual. Or, rather, less restrained in being physical. Only really noticeable with Ephemera and at the moment he misses the contact, immediately.

He has the puppy though and that's good enough. ]

Have you mentioned your brother before?

[ The kitchen is clean, well stocked. He starts pulling out a mixing bowl and ingredients, cracking eggs. ]

You can put her in your lap if you want to sit down. Or just hold her. She's tired, she'll sleep.

[ Sometimes he tucks her into his jacket and carries her around like that. ]

Think so. Barrows. Eli Barrows. He was -

[ Ephemera huffs a little. ]

He never wanted to be a soldier. Got drafted. But he was good to me. He was kind, you know?

Oh. That sort of brother.

[ He stays standing, but he's also going to keep holding her. Lean against a wall or counter out of the way. ]

Sometimes I forget you liked the people you served with.

Mhmm.

[ He had no one until he had them. Ephemera cracks another egg, then gets the milk and vanilla. Starts mixing. ]

I didn't have anyone until I had them.

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