notleavingquietly | IC Contact Post

I'm pretty sure I've made it clear suck at letting things go

I'm working on it.

Oh good, I'd hate to think you were making that part of your identity or confusing it with letting people go.

No, I'm a manipulative politician and ruler who has a bird motif and prays to the god of the dead and also I'm great at sex and a stubborn ass, that's my identity.

I've only tried to let someone go once cause loving them hurt too much and he didn't love me back. More the fool me, I'm still in love with him and he still doesn't love me back.

I had no idea 'loved back' was part of the criteria. I may never understand humans.

Cyram and I had one argument. One. It was a bad one. It was because I was pissed that he was self-destructive but more so that I was trying to fix it.

Sorry to break the news: we're a mess and hearts are foolish things. It's fine, Ive accepted he doesn't need to love me back. It just is.

That fight's why you've stopped trying to fix it or did he ask you to stop?

I stopped trying to fix shit because I realized it was making my crap his problem.

He started wearing a tracking bracelet so I wouldn't exist in a continual state of panic.

I don't know this is the same, but I understand

I've fought with Jon five times in the last month I'm pretty sure, but I'm not likely to stop, I think he needs someone telling him no.

Oh, it's Jon.

You're right, that is different.

Gee thanks

I didn't mean to type his name

It's not like you and Cy anyway, we're not together, feeling's just there

I have no idea why you're sorry you typed his name.

I don't dislike him but anyone who 'needs' to be told no has so little in common with Cyram as to be functionally a different species.

Cause literally the only person who knows I love him is him. Maybe Nate, not sure, and now you. But it probably should stay that way.

Yeah, no, having talked to Cy all of once I can assure you they're nothing alike.

Well, other than stupid, as previously mentioned.

There are different brands of idiot, too, unfortunately.

Unfortunately. Some brands I handle better than others.

You want a different, less stupid topic besides idiot boys?

Unless you want to listen to me go on about Cyram, yes.

Like why the number of people I love was surprising.

I got the impression you didn't like talking about Cyram's stuff, I wasn't going to ask, but I'll listen to anything you've got. Unless that's just for the god stuff.

It was surprising when I thought we were talking In Love, not general love. I'm not surprised you love that many people, you're finally allowed to, makes sense you'd go all in, either that or avoid it like plague.

I won't reveal Cyram. That doesn't mean I won't talk about him -- or loving him.

But I'd much rather you explain what exactly in love means, when contrasted against loving.

I thought we agreed you were an alien and didn't want to deal with this shit.

But alright. Two birds one stone:

Why did you marry Cyram but not anyone else you love?

Because they're idiots in a way that would make me kill them, I don't actually trust most of them, and most of them aren't dominants.

You don't trust them as much, they don't make you as happy, you don't feel as safe with them as you do with him?

That's a long string of conclusions from 'I don't trust them as much', but it's fairly accurate.

Fairly.

With the caveat that you understand at least half of them are some sort of psychotic.

Whatever, you keep weird company. Those were examples, not conclusions, but you agree so you get my point.

Which means you can maybe see the difference between love and in love.

All right, then, I'm in love with one person and while being insane isn't a dealbreaker not actually being dominant is.

And I do mean full time, all the time, and without a masochistic streak.

I think I know two of those in this city.

There you go, that makes more sense to me; you're big on trust and limits and such, putting yourself out there with six or seven people seemed like a lot.

Who's the other one?

His name's Washington. File under 'psychopath'.
Do not engage lightly. the sex is fantastic, though.

I haven't met him.
I'm sure the sex is great but you actually like when people you don't trust make you submit and like tie you up.
I would have less than a good time. Unless it was just rough, that'd be fine.

Still good to know.

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