notleavingquietly | IC Contact Post

I know how to make pancakes now. Want some?

[ It’s an excuse to talk. But also, he can make pancakes now. ]

Yes. Am I coming over or are you?

come over

[ Then, a moment later: ]

we have a dog now

[ He doesn't even bother replying but does show up and knock. First thing out of his mouth is rude, but: ]

Where's the dog?

[ Straight to the point. Ephemera answers the door with a little black puppy tucked under his arm like a football. She's already wiggling furiously, her tail going like a piston. He smiles, a little, and steps back to let Crais in. ]

Her name's Sable.

[ He sets Sable down on the ground and watches her bound over, sniffing intently at Crais's shoes. ]

[ Crais is probably not a dog person. Probably.

Except after staring down at her for a moment he just sits down on the ground, so she can sniff and climb and do whatever she wants with much more than his boots. ]

You look better than last time I saw you. [ Which is saying something. ]

[ Ephemera leans back against the wall, watching as Sable crawls into Crais's lap and starts immediately demanding attention the way he's learned only puppies truly can. She's small still, but she's got big paws and one day she'll grow into them. One day she'll have enough stamina to go on runs with him.

No one's hurt her, he thinks absently. She doesn't know to be wary of people. He hopes that never changes. ]

I'm working on it.

[ One day at a time and all that. ]

Today's a good day. Been a lot of shit recently.

[Crais pretty clearly doesn't know what to do with the puppy or how to play with her or what she wants, but he's gentle and careful and she's not a bad teacher. ]

Yeah, there has been. Did you and Drake manage to talk about the Felix shit?

You can rub her belly. She goes wild for that.

[ Eventually she'll tire herself out and flop onto the nearest warm body. That was one of the reasons they picked her, in the end. The way she climbed into Ephemera's lap and fell asleep like she belonged there when they were looking at all the other puppies. She was self-assured, even when she was still tiny and potato shaped.

He watches Crais for a moment, then exhales. ]

Pieces of it. He asked me not to do anything violent, so I won't. But I don't -

It's complicated. And sometimes I wonder if it only makes sense to me because the war fucked with my head, you know?

[ He eyes the puppy, but rubs her belly and - well it provides some levity in response to the heavy topic. He and Ephemera have gotten so damn comfortable. ]

It is probably because the war fucked with your head, but it isn't just you. Drake and I had a discussion about it, too. It makes no sense to him at all, but I understand very well what Felix is and why he did what he did.

Yeah.

[ It comes out a little softer this time. Ephemera exhales, then shifts to sit down on the floor. It'll be fun on his joints when he has to get back up again, but maybe this conversation is better done sitting.

And if he's sitting, Sable might come over and visit him, too. ]

Not like Drake hasn't seen awful shit. He knows violence. But not like the war. And I don't always -

I don't know if I have the words for it. Some things just are.

I think-

[ He shifts Sable onto Ephemera's lap from his own ]

That Drake wants to believe Felix is like you.

[ Sable makes one of her little grunting noses, ramming her head into his hand until he gives in and starts petting her. She's soft like velvet, and he can feel her heartbeat when he pets her.

He loves her with a quiet sort of intensity. He never thought he'd have a dog. ]

He is, in some ways.

[ It comes out soft. ]

I hurt a lot of people, once. Sometimes I didn't even mean to.

[ He makes a low noise in his throat and leans against Ephemera, just a little. Just enough for contact. ]

It's more complicated than that. When I said war breaks people along similar fault lines I meant it but you and Felix have more differences than things in common.

[ It’s a quiet sort of moment. Sable grunts and shoves her noise into the crook of his arm, then settles. All tuckered out from the excitement of a new person - and probably the walk he took her on earlier.

Ephemera smooths a hand down her back, breathing out. And he shifts so he’s pressed against Crais in turn. Just a little. ]

I know. There are pieces of it that seem simple to me. And pieces of it that can’t be. Drake wasn’t supposed to get hurt.

[ The ease of being close to Ephemera, and with which Ephemera presses back into him, might never stop feeling like a little bit of a miracle. He doesn't reach across for more direct touching, but only because it would be physically awkward. ]

There are times Felix reminds me so strongly of the Peacekeepers born to them that it is... unsettling.

If Drake gets hurt, it'll be on Felix or on Drake. Not you.

[ Sable grunts again, wiggling into a more comfortable position. Ephemera watches her, all quiet fondness. She’s warm and solid and nothing’s ever fucked her up. She doesn’t know to be wary of people.

What a strange, impossible thought. ]

It’d be easier if I didn’t care about both of them. But I guess that’s the complicated part.

[ The noise Crais makes is neither polite, nor elegant. More... derisive of several things than he'd like to be, but none of them are Ephemera or caring. ]

If you had gone out of your way to pick two people more dissimilar, you could not have done better.

You know Felix is going to try very, very hard to use Drake against you.

[ Ephemera snorts at that, glancing at Crais. ]

Yeah, I know. They’re nothing alike.

[ Wasn’t like he did it on purpose. But it still happened. ]

And I know that, too. I’m ready for it.

No you're not.

[ He doesn't gentle that, but it isn't cruel.]

[ Ephemera thumps his head back against the wall. He wishes he could rightly argue that. Prove Crais wrong.

It hurts that he can’t. That he doesn’t know how this thing will end. ]

I need to be, [ he amends softly. ]

[ He leans over and kisses Ephemera, smack on top of the head since that's easiest from their positions sitting beside each other. ]

No you don't. You just need to do the best you can with whatever happens. Drake needs to truly believe that what Felix is doing isn't 'trusting him' and some sort of display of vulnerability.

And I need to try to manage Felix's crazy ass in between.

[ The simplicity of the gesture floors him. Not for the first time, either. It’s gentle, almost casual for how quickly it happens.

Ephemera takes a steadying breath. He lets it go. Sable, warm and solid, noses his elbow.

He pets her. Of course he does. ]

Think one day it’ll settle? All this crazy?

[ Crais loves a lot of people. He doesn't love any of them quite the way he loves Ephemera. It's a quiet, intense, thing with a lot of pride and a lot of admiration mixed in. Similar to how he feels about Cyram, but somehow entirely different.]

I think that you're building a very stable life here, and at some point both you and the life that you're building will be too solid for anything - Duplicity or Felix - to rock very hard.

[ That sits between them for a long moment. Ephemera tips his head back and breathes, Sable warm in the crook of his arm. He hasn’t had that sort of stability since he was a teenager. Had no space for it, no time. There was always the war. And after, his mission. And now -

He exhales. ]

I promised you pancakes. You want them?

Text; un: sharkattack

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